The Price of Love
by XxScorpio-MoonxX
Summary: Inuyasha has gone and done it again, making Kagome angry and making her leave to her own time. He misses her beyond anything, but again pride gets in the way. He’s left alone to his thoughts about love, hate, and fear. one-shot so


Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Inuyasha, and I don't own the lyrics to the song 'It's been awhile' By Staind.  
  
A/N: Well, here I am with yet another one-shot! I heard this song and I couldn't resist! This fic is rated PG-13 for Inuyasha's language. Anyway, if you want I have another Inuyasha/Kagome one-shot that you can check out called 'A Demon's Heart'. Anyway, enough of my babbling on with the fic!  
  
"" Speech  
  
'' Thoughts  
  
[] Song lyrics  
  
Summery: Inuyasha has gone and done it again, making Kagome angry and making her leave to her own time. He misses her beyond anything, but again pride gets in the way. He's left alone to his thoughts about love, hate, and fear.  
  
The Price of Love  
  
Inuyasha stared out at the sky, his depression reaching a new low. He had been there for hours. He just had to do it, didn't he? Open up his big mouth and make Kagome leave again.  
  
He wanted to go back and tell her everything, but he wouldn't, his pride controlling his better judgment as always. He snorted, trying to convince himself that it was her fault, but as always, the blame could only be pointed to himself.  
  
Blame.  
  
What was it about that word that could eat a person inside. He would never know, although he hated the word worst of all.  
  
It was blame that had torn him and Kikyo apart so ruthlessly.  
  
It was blame that made him push Kagome away. That and fear.  
  
To him it was amazing how much he thought Kagome had been Kikyo when she removed the arrow that bound him to a tree for 50 years. It was amazing how one women could both kill and revive him.  
  
[It's been awhile  
  
Since I could hold my head up high  
  
And it's been awhile  
  
Since I first saw you]  
  
But in the end it always came back to blame pointing it's finger at him, and being right. He shook his head.  
  
'Why do you always have to fight her with everything!?' He asked himself, regret's cold claws more then well embedded in his soul. But their was one answer to his question, an answer he didn't want to believe nor revisit.  
  
His mind wander again, and as usual landed on Kikyo.  
  
The women he loved.  
  
The women who hated him.  
  
[It's been awhile  
  
Since I could stand on my own two feet again  
  
It's been awhile  
  
since I could hold you]  
  
Kagome was nothing and yet exactly like her. The hair, the brown eyes that he could love if he let himself. The fiery will and spirit. Everything screamed her, and yet blocked her.  
  
Obsession, addiction, love. It was all a curse, just like the curse of his half blood. His life was cursed, it had been that way the moment he was conceived.  
  
He should now that, embrace it, accept it. But whenever he tried, something would come along and delude him again, only have to reality hit him full force later.  
  
'Your pathetic.' He told himself. 'Thinking that redemption is possible, there's no redemption for blood mutt, no matter hard you strive for it.' And for him, this was true. He longed for redemption, but it was unachievable for a hanyou, his brother, Naraku, even Kikyo had showed him that.  
  
[But everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it is]  
  
He sunk lower into his self punishment. No-one was there to rescue him from drowning, no-one ever would. He was a hanyou, he had no place, he never would.  
  
'Kagome, you tried so hard.' He thought sadly. 'And all I could do was push you away.' In his mind, he was no better then the demon he hunted with such vigor, and all the avenge a lover's death. 'How must Kagome feel about that? This little hunt all the avenge Kikyo, who she despises. And yet she stays......'  
  
She did stay for him?  
  
No, he was deluding himself as always. There was no real love for a hanyou, there was no place for a hanyou's heart in this world where everything was black and white. Human or Demon, there was no in between.  
  
[All may seem the consequences  
  
That I've rendered  
  
I've stretched myself beyond my means]  
  
And yet here he was, half and half with his cute little doggy ears that marked him like a sign.  
  
'Kagome loved those ears.....' He thought vaguely. 'Kikyo hated them. There I go fucking comparing them again! Kikyo hates you, get it dumbass!'  
  
"She hate's you." He whispered out loud, re-opening the old wounds on his heart again. It was no more then he deserved, and he welcomed the pain again.  
  
'Kikyo.' His Kikyo that he both loved and loathed.  
  
Who tried to kill him and Kagome.  
  
But he was condemned to her.  
  
Together in death, hadn't she been the one that had said that?  
  
She was his death, his execution of is heart and sanity.  
  
Kagome was his life, the one thing that might have saved him, might have redeemed him. But he had pushed her away as always with his stupid pride and big mouth.  
  
[It's been awhile since I could say that I wasn't addicted  
  
It's been awhile since I could say I love myself as well  
  
It's been a while since I've gone and fucked things up  
  
Just like I always do]  
  
In the distance he heard Sango calling his name, but he didn't care. He didn't care about food, what was the point?  
  
Kikyo. Her face surfaced in his minds eye.  
  
Not the hateful, murderess Kikyo she was now. The one he had loved, the one he had fought and talked to about things that never left her lips before. The Kikyo he still loved.  
  
Her face changed to Kagome's. Her laughing smile as she swing Shippo around, happy that he's alright. And as he looked at her face he knew that he was looking at the perfect reconstruction of the innocence he once saw in Kikyo.  
  
Kagome, his life.  
  
[ But all that shit seems to disappear  
  
When I'm with you]  
  
Two promises of protection, two women he loved.  
  
He knew that he had to choose someday, but he wanted so badly to have them both. He also knew that was literally choosing before life and death.  
  
He knew that if he choose her, Kikyo would kill him.  
  
If he choose Kagome, Kikyo would kill her. Either way it ended in death, but loosing Kagome forever was no less then he, a lowly half-breed deserved.  
  
Emptiness. That's all there was left.  
  
Kikyo might as well have stolen his soul with her soul searching demons. He was no more then an animated corpse haunted by memories.  
  
Except......when Kagome was near.  
  
[But everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it may seem  
  
The consequences that I've rendered]  
  
Kagome, his Kagome. His life, his light in the darkness, his one true bit of happiness in a life consisted of pain.  
  
He wanted to hate Kikyo, hate her with a passion for tearing him and Kagome apart again and again. But he loved her, loved his death possibly even more then his life.  
  
These thoughts ran around and around his head, chasing each other, and he fought, trying to make them make sense. No luck. His emotions and mind was running rampant and it was driving him insane. He was going to knock himself unconscious if it didn't stop soon.  
  
[I've gone and fucked things up again  
  
why must I feel this way?]  
  
"Inuyasha, there you are, supper's ready." Said Sango, stepping into the clearing, looking up the tree that the half-demon was sitting in.  
  
"Who cares?" He muttered, he sure in the hell didn't.  
  
"You have to eat Inuyasha." She said.  
  
"I don't give a fuck, just leave me alone!" He yelled, glad to finally have someone to vent off some anger.  
  
"But-"  
  
"LEAVE!" She stopped, shocked. Inuyasha could be moody, but usually not this bad. Slowly she backed away.  
  
He was breathing heavily, a new wave of regret washing over him.  
  
'There you go you bastard, instead of Kagome your bitching at Sango.' He crossed his arms, wishing he could make his mind shut up, but it wasn't working. Flashes of Kikyo still haunted him day and night. Her kisses, her sweet words.  
  
Her betrayal, his hate of Naraku, his love for Kagome. It was nothing but an endless flash of images that played over and over again like a silent film that had no end.  
  
It was madding. If it wasn't for his pride he would have killed himself long ago just to make it stop. But the thought of true death at his hands instead of Kikyo's was no more then a fleeting thought that seemed to come from the imagination.  
  
Night was falling, and still he didn't move.  
  
He wished his mind would give just one second of peace like how it was with Kagome was around. She always brought him peace, even if it was only for a short time, it was better then nothing.  
  
[Just make this go away  
  
Just one more peaceful day]  
  
He couldn't even look at himself anymore when he was alone, he always ended up smashing the mirrors and then denying knowing how they had became smashed it someone asked.  
  
Kagome was always the one to ask, always concerned, and always he lied about it.  
  
He wanted to run back down that well and tell her that he was sorry he loved her and can't survive without her. But he stayed where he was, unmoving like the way he had been for three days straight.  
  
[It's been awhile since I could look at myself straight  
  
It's been awhile since I said I'm sorry]  
  
He hung his head in shame. Here she was, a ready made light at the end of the tunnel, and here he was pushing her away, was it fear?  
  
Probably.  
  
He didn't deserve someone like her, he probably didn't even deserve to die at the hands of Kikyo, he sure as hell didn't deserve her love.  
  
'I don't deserve you Kagome.' He thought miserably. 'Hell, Kouga probably deserves you more then I do, at least he's not afraid to admit things. At least he can love freely.' An image of Kagome sitting around the campfire appeared in his mind, her sweet face a glow from the flames, always so cheerful, trying to look on the bright side of things.  
  
Except when he pissed her off. That's the only time when he sees true anger or hurt on her face.  
  
Even when their friendship is going great, he finds some way to hurt her again and make her leave.  
  
'I don't blame her if she seals the fucking well shut so that she never has to look at my stupid face again.' He yelled at himself, self-loathing filling his heart.  
  
Kikyo was winning over him, that she was succeeding in killing him inside, so was Naraku.  
  
He knew it.  
  
He didn't care anymore.  
  
[It's been awhile since I've seen the way  
  
The candle lights your face]  
  
There was nothing left, only Kagome, but she was fast slipping out of his grip. She was slowly fading away, into the darkness, and he was powerless to stop it.  
  
"Inuyasha?" Just when he was falling into the pit of hell, the voice of heaven was there to pull him back out. "Inuyasha?" He wanted to say 'Over here Kagome, I'm sorry about our fight' but what came out was totally different.  
  
"What do you want?" He asked crossly, glaring down at her. Her hurt eyes stared back at him, tearing his soul to useless pieces.  
  
"I- I came to apologize." She whispered, kicking the ground with her feet nervously.  
  
"Well you've said it, now leave." He said coldly, the fear in him forcing the words out of his mouth. Her eyes filled with tears, he could smell the saltiness of them.  
  
"INUYASHA I HATE YOU!" She yelled, stomping her foot on the ground, more out of frustration and hurt then anger. "YOUR SUCH A JERK, YOU CAN'T EVEN APOLOGIZE TO ME FOR ANYTHING! I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" Tears pouring down her face she turned and ran, no doubt to her own time again.  
  
"There." He whispered, his heart shattering to smithereens as he was sure Kagome's had. "Your free now Kagome."  
  
[But I can still remember  
  
Just the way you taste]  
  
A lone tear trailed down his cheek, but he didn't care if he was being weak.  
  
'It was something that had to be done, she'll be better off this way.' He told himself. 'At least way I can't hurt her anymore, it's better to bare the pain alone, then to have us both dying inside.'  
  
He stayed there for sometime.  
  
Kagome sat under a tree, tears pouring down her face like a river.  
  
"I hate him!" She told herself, wiping the tears angrily away, but she knew it wasn't true, no matter how much she wanted it to be. 'All you can think about is Kikyo, can't you see that I love you?'  
  
"Inuyasha, your a fool." She whispered, tears splashing down her front followed by. "I love you." At hearing her own words she threw herself onto the ground, crying into her arm.  
  
She loved him, but he would never see her. He saw only Kikyo, she alone controlled his heart. Her, Kagome Higurashi (sp?) would never have her feelings returned, she would be always be overshadowed by his first love.  
  
[But everything I can't remember  
  
As fucked up as it may seem to be]  
  
In her sadness, she never saw the demon that came up behind her.  
  
Blame, again the word came to haunt him.  
  
He hadn't moved a muscle since Kagome had ran off, but inside his heart was breaking and dissolving slowly.  
  
He wanted someone to blame it on someone, anyone, anything other himself. But the blame once again was his and his alone. He looked down at the Tetsiguia, wishing he had known his father. Maybe he would had some advice for him, instead of just a weapon.  
  
[I know it's me  
  
I cannot blame this on my Father  
  
He did the best he could for me]  
  
Blood.  
  
Kagome's blood. He bolted upright.  
  
'Then she didn't go to her own time!' He thought desperately, running as fast as he could towards the smell. The scent of demon also masked the air, and he ran faster into the clearing where the smell was coming from.  
  
He saw her limp body first, and if it hadn't been for the smell of life within her, he would have been lost in rage.  
  
Drawing his sword that transformed into the fang he turned on the insect demon, cutting it through with one stroke.  
  
Instantly he ran to Kagome's side, the smell of her choking him. He lifted her head into her lap and began to shake her softly. He pleased to see that her wounds weren't as bad as they could have been.  
  
"Kagome, Kagome, please wake up." Her eyes brows knitted together, her eye lids slowly opening.  
  
"Inu-Inuyasha?" She asked, looking up at him.  
  
"Ya." He replied. "Ya, it's me."  
  
"I know you probably don't care, but I, I" She stopped, coughing. "I love you." With those words, all of his defenses came crashing down at his feet.  
  
[It's been awhile  
  
Since I could hold my head up high]  
  
"Watashimomata aishiteru I love you too" Her face broke into a wide smile as she struggled to sit up. "Rest." He said, looking into her eyes.  
  
"Inuyasha."  
  
"Yes?" Her lips came in contact with his and he closed his eyes against it. It was bliss beyond any kiss Kikyo and him had shared, it was heaven. He smiled against her lips.  
  
They broke away, Kagome blushing as she looked down at the ground. Her first kiss.  
  
"We better go back, I know some herbs that can help with these." She said, holding up her cut arms. She got up.  
  
"Kagome?" She looked back at him.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm sorry, for everything." He said. "I've been a real asshole lately." She smiled and walked toward him.  
  
"Ii desu It's ok" She replied, and with a smile, Inuyasha kissed her again.  
  
Again he smiled against her lips, he was free at last.  
  
[And it's been awhile  
  
since I said I'm sorry]  
  
A/N:  
  
Well, that's my second Kagome/Inuyasha one-shot done, and my first overall one-shot that hasn't been a lemon! Feels proud Anyway, not much else to say except please R&R! I don't usually write angst and I really what to know what you guys think of it! 


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